August 20, 2013
We are officially at the six month point. That is six months in Panama. Wild. I can honestly say that it is beginning to show; the honeymoon stage has certainly worn off. Being surrounded by bugs all day and enjoying the life in nature is no longer as mystical and magical as it seemed when we were all living in Santa Rita de Chorrera in our training sites. To be honest if I could live somewhere that bugs didn't exist, I might be the happiest person in the world... considering moving to Antarctica (sorry mom and dad).
We are officially at the six month point. That is six months in Panama. Wild. I can honestly say that it is beginning to show; the honeymoon stage has certainly worn off. Being surrounded by bugs all day and enjoying the life in nature is no longer as mystical and magical as it seemed when we were all living in Santa Rita de Chorrera in our training sites. To be honest if I could live somewhere that bugs didn't exist, I might be the happiest person in the world... considering moving to Antarctica (sorry mom and dad).
Also I think all the snide remarks and shocked looks in regards to my legs are finally starting to catch up and affect my self-esteem. I swear if one person looks at my legs and gives me that condescending look whilst saying "AY DIOS tus piernas! Que feas" (OH GOD your legs, how ugly) ONE MORE TIME I WILL SMACK SOMEONE! Really though, they don´t bother me so much, but the fact that it seems to bother everyone around me in turn makes it bother me. I means LAWD they are bug bites... not the plague there is not a whole lot I can do about it... My blood is just sweeter than yours :P
Also I am realizing that I have to give away my puppy, which just makes me sad in every way. I don´t want to give him away but I don´t have even close to the funds to be able to keep him. Especially when I have to leave for training sessions that last 2-3 weeks and have to pay my sister $2.50 a day to watch him in addition to buying food which is another $10 a week. It doesn´t seem so much but when you get paid less than Panama´s minimum wage ($400 a month is the minimum wage here) then when you add up puppy costs and rent and food and the fact that your puppy will soon be as big as a horse and even more expensive.... it just isn´t going to work. I sad. It feels like giving up a child, also I am kinda angry with myself since I have already put hundreds towards him, but such is life. At least I know that I have treated him better than the majority of Panamanians would treat their animals.
*** SIDE NOTE for those who are reading this and are prospective PCV´s SAVE YOUR MONEY and bring some (LOTS OF) money from home!!! Especially if you are planning on adventuring at all or living your life in Panam to the max, it is so necessary. Don´t get me wrong you can most certainly live on the PC stipend but if you ever told people here what you were making their jaws would drop because in fact you are living below poverty.
Anyways.... so basically life is hard here and it is just going to get harder, but on the other side time moves so quickly here that I honestly can´t believe I have been here for 6 months already and that I only have 21 months to go. Though when I put it that way it seems like a lot but it isn't really considering I don't know if my teachers will ever get off strike so who knows if I will actually accomplish anything in the schools and that we have month long breaks at times due to training sessions and such. Meh
Also I am realizing that I have to give away my puppy, which just makes me sad in every way. I don´t want to give him away but I don´t have even close to the funds to be able to keep him. Especially when I have to leave for training sessions that last 2-3 weeks and have to pay my sister $2.50 a day to watch him in addition to buying food which is another $10 a week. It doesn´t seem so much but when you get paid less than Panama´s minimum wage ($400 a month is the minimum wage here) then when you add up puppy costs and rent and food and the fact that your puppy will soon be as big as a horse and even more expensive.... it just isn´t going to work. I sad. It feels like giving up a child, also I am kinda angry with myself since I have already put hundreds towards him, but such is life. At least I know that I have treated him better than the majority of Panamanians would treat their animals.
*** SIDE NOTE for those who are reading this and are prospective PCV´s SAVE YOUR MONEY and bring some (LOTS OF) money from home!!! Especially if you are planning on adventuring at all or living your life in Panam to the max, it is so necessary. Don´t get me wrong you can most certainly live on the PC stipend but if you ever told people here what you were making their jaws would drop because in fact you are living below poverty.
Anyways.... so basically life is hard here and it is just going to get harder, but on the other side time moves so quickly here that I honestly can´t believe I have been here for 6 months already and that I only have 21 months to go. Though when I put it that way it seems like a lot but it isn't really considering I don't know if my teachers will ever get off strike so who knows if I will actually accomplish anything in the schools and that we have month long breaks at times due to training sessions and such. Meh
Sorry if I seem a bit jaded, but there are some awesome things going on as well. I have started guitar lessons which are going really well I have about 5 students who come regularly to learn new things and I am trying my best to teach them, though I am no expert myself. I have also started mandatory academic support sessions at the elementary school for those students who are failing English, in the hope that they will be able to at least pass English or maybe just find it interesting.... we shall see.
Aside from being moody and grumpy I do have some good days, I have been spending more time with my host family, so that has been nice. I think that things are going better now because I am giving away my puppy and there will no longer be that awkwardness of having to ask them to watch him every time I leave site. Also the fact that I started crying when I told them that I have to give him away might have helped show them that I actually do care about him and am not the neglectful owner that they have thought I was. OO and I am applying for a position as a facilitator with the Gender and Development camp so hopefully I will get on board with that since that is one of the things I want to get really involved in while I'm here.
I think that is enough ranting for now....
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